A few weeks ago I got a call from my daughter’s school.   One of the local T.V. channels was doing a segment on Halloween costumes for kids and their dogs and the school had been asked to supply some child models.

Figuring that Mo could talk for England (or America, she’s not particular) and is borderline obsessive about dogs, she was a natural choice and so we prepared for Mo’s big 5 minutes of fame.  The atmosphere in our house was, electric!  The DVR was set up, every T.V. in the house tuned to the correct channel, Daddy had found the website where he could watch it live and relatives across the pond were eagerly joining in the excitement on Facebook, waiting for pictures and videos of the event.

At 6:30am Mo and I left the house full of anticipation.  The glamour, the celebrities, the fully stocked luxurious green room.  Boy, were we in for a shock.

I guess the costume fitting, held the day before in a scruffy, smelly stock room of a pet day care and accessory shop should have been a give-away for what can only be described as the tawdry-ness of morning T.V.  What can I say, we were blinded by fame!

Just in case you missed it, we had to leave at 6:30am, IN THE MORNING to make it to the studio for 7:00am, a full 2 hours before the show.  Imagine then my horror, on being shown into a small stark conference room to find out that my visions of a bounteous buffet of pastries, nibbles and drinks were just a fantasy.  There was a plate of doughnuts and some sodas, perfect fodder for 6 over-excited kids who have 2+ hours to wait for their moment of fame.  But more tragically, there was NO COFFEE. Oh the inhumanity.

At this point I could probably write a 10 page diatribe on the indignities, disappointments and ordeals of a local mid-morning T.V. show, but I know you have a life so here are the highlights.

There was no hair, make-up and costume assistant, only me fiddling with Mo’s hair trying to make it look less like I’d dragged her out of bed at the crack of dawn, barely showing her mass of frizz a brush.  And me trying to roll up the waistline of her costume for the fiftieth time, because it was 3 inches too long, an accident waiting to happen in a small studio with bright lights and too many raised areas.

Far from the next Selena Gomez (or whoever is the latest cool Disney girl), poor Mo had to be talked down from a very high ledge of panic after realizing that she only had one shot at this and that there were so many things that could go wrong (with small children and dogs, both in costumes, really?!)

But on the plus side, Flo did brilliantly, dragging her 11 year old scrawny Chihuahua, which was dressed in a princess costume intended for a Labrador, across the stage like a true professional.  And everyone was super proud and thrilled that the one time Mo wore a pretty princess costume instead of an animal one, it was witnessed by millions, thousands, hundreds of people.

But Flo, whilst I know how much you love to dress up, put on make-up and heels, perform to anyone who is willing to sit and watch, my show mom days are over and there will be no toddlers in tiaras in this house.

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